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Thread: The JOKE Thread (Post your jokes here)

  1. #91
    Davii's Avatar
    Davii is offline Beginner
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    GREAT TRUTHS ABOUT GROWING OLD

    1) Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional.

    2) Forget the health food. I need all the preservatives I can get.

    3) When you fall down, you wonder what else you can do while you're down there.

    4) You're getting old when you get the same sensation from a rocking chair that you once got from a roller coaster.

    5) It's frustrating when you know all the answers but nobody bothers to ask you the questions.

    6) Time may be a great healer, but it's a lousy beautician.

    7) Wisdom comes with age, but sometimes age comes alone.

    ----------------------------------
    Regards
    Davii

  2. #92
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    THE FOUR STAGES OF LIFE:

    1) You believe in Santa Claus.

    2) You don't believe in Santa Claus.

    3) You are Santa Claus.

    4) You look like Santa Claus.


    SUCCESS:

    At age 4 success is . . . not peeing in your pants.

    At age 12 success is . . . having friends.

    At age 16 success is . . . having a drivers license.

    At age 20 success is . . . having a girlfriend that thinks you a really good looking

    At age 35 success is . . . having money.

    At age 50 success is . . . having money.

    At age 60 success is . . . having a girlfriend that thinks you are really good looking

    At age 70 success is . . . having a drivers license.

    At age 75 success is . . . having friends.

    At age 80 success is . . . not peeing in your pants.

    --------------------------------
    Regards
    Davii

  3. #93
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    IDLE THOUGHTS OF A RETIRED PERSON

    I planted some birdseed. A bird came up.
    Now I don't know what to feed it.

    I had amnesia once -- or was it twice.

    I went to San Francisco. I found someone's heart. Now what?

    Protons have mass? I didn't even know they were Catholic.

    All I ask ... is a chance to prove that money can't make me happy.

    If the world were a logical place, men would ride horses sidesaddle.

    What is a "free" gift? Aren't all gifts free?

    They told me I was gullible and I believed them.

    Two can live as cheaply as one, for half as long.

    One nice thing about egotists: They don't talk about other people.

    A flashlight is a case for holding dead batteries.

    My weight is perfect for my height -- which varies.

    I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not sure.

    The cost of living hasn't affected its popularity.

    How can there be self-help "groups"?

    Is there another word for synonym?

    Where do forest rangers go to "get away from it all"?

    The speed of time is one-second per second.

    Is Marx's tomb a communist plot?

    If swimming is so good for your figure, how do you explain whales?

    Show me a man with both feet firmly on the ground, and I'll show you a man who can't get his pants off.

    It's not an optical illusion. It just looks like one.

    Is it my imagination, or do buffalo wings taste like chicken?

    ----------------------------------
    Regards
    Davii

  4. #94
    YourConor is offline Beginner
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    Never fail to make me laugh..

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