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Thread: The JOKE Thread (Post your jokes here)

  1. #11
    Choto Cheeta's Avatar
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    Joke threads are merged and title renamed... Please post your jokes in a single thread !!! It helps to read them all and fall from the chair

  2. #12
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    Default

    It helps to read them all and fall from the chair
    Oh, oh. I think it would be a good idea to post an indemnification clause required to be signed and notarized before members are allowed to read any jokes:

    I, ______________________, (state your member name), do hereby agree to hold harmless WinVistaClub forum owners, administrators and moderators, both current and future, for any injuries I may sustain as a result of any fall from my chair when reading the jokes at the aforementioned forum.

  3. #13
    seti is offline Member
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    Default a very old one

    A secretary asks their boss can I use your dictaphone
    the boss replies no use a pencil like every one else!

    I did say it was a very old one which you may have to think about

  4. #14
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    I wanna underline that ! --> i'm not a racist
    but the joke goes like that :

    How the chinese people attack ?
    They attack in small troops. Couple of millions each

  5. #15
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    Talking How to identify different cities of india

    HOW TO IDENTIFY DIFFERENT CITIES OF INDIA

    Scenario 1
    Two guys are fighting and a third guy comes along,
    then a fourth and they start arguing about who's right.
    You are in Kolkata

    Scenario 2
    Two guys are fighting and a third guy comes along,
    sees them and walks on.
    That's "Amchi Mumbai"...busy place dude...

    Scenario 3
    Two guys are fighting and a third guy comes
    along & tries to make peace... The first two get
    together & beat him up. That's Delhi

    Scenario 4
    Two guys are fighting. A crowd gathers to
    watch. A guy comes along and quietly opens
    a chai-stall That's Ahmedabad

    Scenario 5
    Two guys are fighting and a third guy comes
    he Writes a software program to stop the fight.
    But the fight doesn't stop b'cos of a bug in
    the program. That's Bangalore

    Scenario 6
    Two guys are fighting. A crowd gathers to watch.
    A Guy comes along and quietly says that "AMMA"
    doesn't Like all this nonsense. Peace comes in. That's Chennai.

    Scenario 7
    Two guys are fighting. Both of them take time out
    and call their friends on their mobiles Now 50 guys
    are fighting. You are DEFINITELY IN PUNJAB !!!

    Scenario 8
    Two guys are fighting. Third guy comes along with
    a carton of beer. All sit together drinking beer and
    abusing each other and all go home as friends. You are in Goa .

    Scenario 9
    Two guys are fighting. Third guy comes and resolve their
    fight with the help of others passing over their.
    You are in the Heart of India ( M.P).

    And Last One....

    Scenario 10
    Two guys are fighting. Third guy comes from nearby house.
    And says" aamchya gharasamor bhandu naka,
    dusarikade jaun bhanda ( dont fight in front of my place,
    go somewhere else and keep fighting)". That's Pune for sure!!!

    ---------- Post added at 09:33 PM ---------- Previous post was at 09:26 PM ----------

    Technology for Country Folks


    For Clear Preview | Download Image
    Last edited by nitinagarwal1988; 15th April 2009 at 17:12.

  6. #16
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    Default If Microsoft Made cars

    1. For no reason whatsoever your car would crash twice a day.
    2. Every time they repainted the lines on the road you would have to buy a new car.
    3. Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason, and you would just accept this, restart and drive on.
    4. Occasionally, executing a maneuver such as a left turn, would cause your car to shut down and refuse to restart, in which case you would have to reinstall the engine.
    5. Only one person at a time could use the car, unless you bought "Car95" or "CarNT." But then you would have to buy more seats.
    6. Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, reliable, five times as fast, and twice as easy to drive, but would only run on five per cent of the roads.
    7. The oil, water temperature and alternator warning lights would be replaced by a single "general car default" warning light.
    8. New seats would force everyone to have the same size behind.
    9. The airbag system would say "Are you sure?" before going off.
    10. Occasionally for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you out and refuse to let you in until you simultaneously lifted the door handle, turned the key, and grab hold of the radio antenna.
    11. GM would require all car buyers to also purchase a deluxe set of Rand McNally road maps (now a GM subsidiary), even though they neither need them nor want them. Attempting to delete this option would immediately cause the car's performance to diminish by 50% or more. Moreover, GM would become a target for investigation by the Justice Department.
    12. Everytime GM introduced a new model car buyers would have to learn how to drive all over again because none of the controls would operate in the same manner as the old car.
    13. You'd press the "start" button to shut off the engine.

  7. #17
    amkeew is offline Beginner
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    Default @knightrider

    I am sooo stealing that gem.

  8. #18
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    Default The Joke

    I love it funny

  9. #19
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    Default Abbott & Costello "Windows vs. Mac"

    If Bud Abbott and Lou Costello were alive today, their infamous sketch, 'Who's on First?' might turn out something like this:


    COSTELLO CALLS TO BUY A COMPUTER FROM ABBOTT:

    ABBOTT: Super Duper computer store. Can I help you?

    COSTELLO: Thanks. I'm setting up an office in my den and I'm thinking about buying a computer.

    ABBOTT: Mac?

    COSTELLO: No, the name's Lou.

    ABBOTT: Your computer?

    COSTELLO: I don't own a computer. I want to buy one.

    ABBOTT: Mac?

    COSTELLO: I told you, my name's Lou.

    ABBOTT: What about Windows?

    COSTELLO: Why? Will it get stuffy in here?

    ABBOTT: Do you want a computer with Windows?

    COSTELLO: I don't know. What will I see when I look at the windows?

    ABBOTT: Wallpaper.

    COSTELLO: Never mind the windows. I need a computer and software.

    ABBOTT: Software for Windows?

    COSTELLO: No. On the computer! I need something I can use to write proposals, track expenses and run my business. What do you have?

    ABBOTT: Office.

    COSTELLO: Yeah, for my office. Can you recommend anything?

    ABBOTT: I just did.

    COSTELLO: You just did what?

    ABBOTT: Recommend something.

    COSTELLO: You recommended something?

    ABBOTT: Yes.

    COSTELLO: For my office?

    ABBOTT: Yes.

    COSTELLO: OK, what did you recommend for my office?

    ABBOTT: Office.

    COSTELLO: Yes, for my office!

    ABBOTT: I recommend Office with Windows.

    COSTELLO: I already have an office with windows! OK, let's just say I'm sitting at my computer and I want to type a proposal. What do I need?

    ABBOTT: Word.

    COSTELLO: What word?

    ABBOTT: Word in Office.

    COSTELLO: The only word in office is office.

    ABBOTT: The Word in Office for Windows.

    COSTELLO: Which word in office for windows?

    ABBOTT: The Word you get when you click the blue 'W'.

    COSTELLO: I'm going to click your blue 'W' if you don't start with some straight answers. What about financial bookkeeping? You have anything I can track my money with?

    ABBOTT: Money.

    COSTELLO: That's right. What do you have?

    ABBOTT: Money.

    COSTELLO: I need money to track my money?

    ABBOTT: It comes bundled with your computer.

    COSTELLO: What's bundled with my computer?

    ABBOTT: Money.

    COSTELLO: Money comes with my computer?

    ABBOTT: Yes. No extra charge.

    COSTELLO: I get a bundle of money with my computer ? How much?

    ABBOTT: One copy.

    COSTELLO: Isn't it illegal to copy money?

    ABBOTT: Microsoft gave us a license to copy Money.

    COSTELLO: They can give you a license to copy money?

    ABBOTT: Why not? THEY OWN IT !

    (A few days later)

    ABBOTT: Super Duper computer store. Can I help you?

    COSTELLO: How do I turn my computer off?

    ABBOTT: Click on 'START' . . .
    Vinu likes this.

  10. #20
    whs's Avatar
    whs
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    Geek jokes / Computer jokes

    AND some old people jokes:


    A tour bus driver is driving with a bus load of seniors down a highway when he is tapped on his shoulder by a little old lady. She offers him a handful of peanuts, which he gratefully munches up.
    After about 15 minutes, she taps him on his shoulder again and she hands him another handful of peanuts.
    She repeats this gesture about five more times.
    When she is about to hand him another batch again ......he asks the little old lady, 'Why don't you eat the peanuts yourself?'.
    'We can't chew them because we've no teeth', she replied.
    The puzzled driver asks, 'Why do you buy them then?'
    The old lady replied, 'We just love the chocolate around them.'


    OLD people have problems that many of you younger folks haven't even considered yet!
    An 85-year-old man was requested by his doctor for a Sperm count as part of his physical exam.
    The doctor gave the man a jar and said, 'Take this Jar home and bring back a semen sample tomorrow.'
    The next day the 85-year-old man reappeared at the Doctor's' office and gave him the jar, which was as Clean and empty as on the previous day.
    The doctor asked what happened and the man Explained, 'Well, doc, it's like this--first I tried With my right hand, but nothing. Then I tried with My left hand, but still nothing.
    'Then I asked my wife for help. She tried with her Right hand, then with her left, still nothing. She Tried with her mouth, first with her teeth in, then With her teeth out, still nothing.
    'We even called up Arleen, the lady next door and She tried too, first with both hands, then an Armpit, and she even tried squeezing it between her Knees, but still nothing.'
    The doctor was shocked! 'You asked your neighbor?'
    The old man replied, 'Yep, none of us could get the Jar open.

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