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Thread: do you have any computer jokes?

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    v3loc1ty's Avatar
    v3loc1ty is offline Gold Member
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    Nov 2008

    Talking do you have any computer jokes?

    if you have any, share with us!. heres an example

    Are you terrified of your computer? Do you feel out of place and overwhelmed when your friends or coworkers start spouting reams and reams of technical jargon that you will never understand? Then this article is for you! We'll help you get over your fear of technical terminology by tickling your funny bone. We'll start with some definitions that SHOULD be true, and we hope are entertaining.

    486 - The average IQ needed to understand a P.C.
    State-of-the-art - Any computer you can't afford.
    Obsolete - Any computer you own.
    Microsecond - The time it takes for your State-of-the-art-computer to become obsolete.
    Syntax Error - Hi, I want to buy a computer and money is no object.
    GUI (pronounced gooey) - What your computer becomes after spilling your coffee on it.
    Computer Chip - Any starchy food stuff consumed in mass quantities while programming.
    Keyboard - The standard way to generate computer errors.
    Mouse - An advanced input device to make computer errors easier to generate.
    Floppy - The state of your wallet after purchasing a computer.
    Hard Drive - The sales technique employed by computer salesmen.
    Portable Computer - A device invented to force businessmen to work at home, on vacation and on business trips.
    Disk Crash - A typical computer response to any critical deadline.
    Power User - Anyone who can format a disk from DOS.
    System Update - A quick method of trashing ALL of your software.

    high tech jargon
    <table style="border: 0pt none ; width: 100%;" cellpadding="2"><tbody><tr><td style="width: 36%;">NEW </td> <td style="width: 64%;">Different color from previous design</td> </tr> <tr> <td style="width: 36%;">ALL NEW </td> <td style="width: 64%;">Parts not interchangeable with previous design</td> </tr> <tr> <td style="width: 36%;">EXCLUSIVE </td> <td style="width: 64%;">Imported product</td> </tr> <tr> <td style="width: 36%;">UNMATCHED </td> <td style="width: 64%;">Almost as good as the competition</td> </tr> <tr> <td style="width: 36%;">DESIGNED SIMPLICITY </td> <td style="width: 64%;">Manufacturer's cost cut to the bone</td> </tr> <tr> <td style="width: 36%;">FOOLPROOF OPERATION </td> <td style="width: 64%;">No provision for adjustments</td> </tr> <tr> <td style="width: 36%;">ADVANCED DESIGN </td> <td style="width: 64%;">The advertising agency doesn't understand it</td> </tr> <tr> <td style="width: 36%;">IT'S HERE AT LAST!</td> <td style="width: 64%;">Rush job; Nobody knew it was coming</td> </tr> <tr> <td style="width: 36%;">FIELD-TESTED </td> <td style="width: 64%;">Manufacturer lacks test equipment</td> </tr> <tr> <td style="width: 36%;">HIGH ACCURACY </td> <td style="width: 64%;">Unit on which all parts fit</td> </tr> <tr> <td style="width: 36%;">DIRECT SALES ONLY </td> <td style="width: 64%;">Factory had big argument with distributor</td> </tr> <tr> <td style="width: 36%;">YEARS OF DEVELOPMENT </td> <td style="width: 64%;">We finally got one that works</td> </tr> <tr> <td style="width: 36%;">REVOLUTIONARY </td> <td style="width: 64%;">It's different from our competitors</td> </tr> <tr> <td style="width: 36%;">BREAKTHROUGH </td> <td style="width: 64%;">We finally figured out a way to sell it</td> </tr> <tr> <td style="width: 36%;">FUTURISTIC </td> <td style="width: 64%;">No other reason why it looks the way it does</td> </tr> <tr> <td style="width: 36%;">DISTINCTIVE </td> <td style="width: 64%;">A different shape and color than the others</td> </tr> <tr> <td style="width: 36%;">MAINTENANCE-FREE </td> <td style="width: 64%;">Impossible to fix</td> </tr> <tr> <td style="width: 36%;">RE-DESIGNED </td> <td style="width: 64%;">Previous faults corrected, we hope...</td> </tr> <tr> <td style="width: 36%;">HAND-CRAFTED </td> <td style="width: 64%;">Assembly machines operated without gloves </td> </tr> <tr> <td style="width: 36%;">PERFORMANCE PROVEN </td> <td style="width: 64%;">Will operate through the warranty period</td> </tr> <tr> <td style="width: 36%;">MEETS ALL STANDARDS </td> <td style="width: 64%;">Ours, not yours</td> </tr> <tr> <td style="width: 36%;">ALL SOLID-STATE </td> <td style="width: 64%;">Heavy as Hell!</td> </tr> <tr> <td style="width: 36%;">BROADCAST QUALITY </td> <td style="width: 64%;">Gives a picture and produces noise</td> </tr> <tr> <td style="width: 36%;">HIGH RELIABILITY </td> <td style="width: 64%;">We made it work long enough to ship it</td> </tr> <tr> <td style="width: 36%;">SMPTE BUS COMPATIBLE </td> <td style="width: 64%;">When completed, will be shipped by Greyhound</td> </tr> <tr> <td style="width: 36%;">NEW GENERATION </td> <td style="width: 64%;">Old design failed, maybe this one will work</td> </tr> <tr> <td style="width: 36%;">MIL-SPEC COMPONENTS </td> <td style="width: 64%;">We got a good deal at a government auction</td> </tr> <tr> <td style="width: 36%;">CUSTOMER SERVICE
    ACROSS THE COUNTRY </td> <td style="width: 64%;">You can return it from most airports</td> </tr> <tr> <td style="width: 36%;">UNPRECEDENTED PERFORMANCE </td> <td style="width: 64%;">Nothing we ever had before worked THIS way</td> </tr> <tr> <td style="width: 36%;">BUILT TO
    PRECISION TOLERANCES </td> <td style="width: 64%;">We finally got it to fit together</td> </tr> <tr> <td style="width: 36%;">SATISFACTION GUARANTEED </td> <td style="width: 64%;">Manufacturer's, upon cashing your check</td> </tr> <tr> <td style="width: 36%;">MICROPROCESSOR CONTROLLED </td> <td style="width: 64%;">Does things we can't explain</td> </tr> <tr> <td style="width: 36%;">AEROSPACE TECHNOLOGY </td> <td style="width: 64%;">One of our techs was laid off by Boeing</td></tr></tbody></table>

    Last edited by v3loc1ty; 30th January 2009 at 06:48. Reason: `

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